Canteen Humorist Gifts

"I didn't know the canteen was doing double sandwich filling" "Neither did I until they cleaned all you msyonaisse off the sign"

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Cafe Burns.

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

Well yes, I am a Blue Whale, but that doesn't mean I'm depressed...

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Chili again?'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

'You made me jump,'

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

'I got one this small.'

So, how are you planning on eating that?

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"Don't be afraid of sharks. They generally attack only when provoked."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'