Canteen Critic Gifts

'The usual dregs, slops and yesterday's left-overs,please Mary!'

Police canteen.

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

Police Cuts: Enough is Enough!

Cafe Burns.

'Chili again?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

'You made me jump,'

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

'You're in trouble. Your confidential memo went toxic and so did that tuna salad.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

Frankly, I've seen better menus on my computer accounts Package.

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

'Oh, yeah, they're cute until you can no longer claim them as dependents on your tax return.'

"Excellent choice, our double mocha fudge supreme has never been linked to a serious injury or fatality."

'Not really the kind of cafe culture we were hoping to find.'

"We start with black coffee and then add a lot of stuff so it doesn't taste like black coffee."

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

"Why do people around here get so agitated about stuff like yoghurt?" "It's the culture of the organisation"