Cafeteria Critic Gifts

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

'No thank you - I'm dyslexic.'

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

'Charles knew Tad was about to snap. Quarterly profits were weak, the network was compromised and now, Tuesday's Brussel Sprout medley in the cafeteria lingered through Thursday.'

Disappointed overweight employees being served a carrot at the office canteen.

"What I really fancy is a decent sausage" "Looks like you've had your chips"

"What's your position on Brussels Sprouts in the lunch line?"

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

"This school is so good, I even learn stuff during lunch."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'