School Cafeteria Critic Gifts

'Aw, man-seeds again?'

"Mexican food?! This is America! I want pizza!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

Pink slime hot dogs.

'Charles knew Tad was about to snap. Quarterly profits were weak, the network was compromised and now, Tuesday's Brussel Sprout medley in the cafeteria lingered through Thursday.'

'Look, we were really misled about how cool you were...Would you mind sitting at another table?'

Bulk School Mince.

"I won't miss Michelle Obama."

"That's the problem with Easter eggs. My mother thinks they're food."

'I'm brown bagging it today.'

"Your family is pretty messed up."

No, pal, I don't know if the chicken is free-range.

"This school is so good, I even learn stuff during lunch."

I'm thinking of suing your caf

SWAT Team.

"Don't tell him, but the fries are made of soy too!"

'Well of course the custard's lumpy...it's got garlic in it.'

"Podge is stocking up ahead of the dinner ladies strike."