Cafeteria Critique Champion Gifts

'I need an antacid. I'm having lunch in the school cafeteria today.'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'