Cafeteria Critique Champion T-Shirts

'I need an antacid. I'm having lunch in the school cafeteria today.'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

Dateline - Caf

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'