Cafeteria-comments T-Shirts

No, pal, I don't know if the chicken is free-range.

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"We use the cheapest ingredients and pass the savings on to you."

'Chocolate pudding to start...it'll deaden your appetite.'

"There's a fly in my soup."

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

"What's this on the menu?"

'It's called ‘Shared Risk.' You taste the Okra Casserole and I'll try the Tuna Surprise.'

"Wanna trade an Easter ham salad for an Easter egg salad?"

'Charles knew Tad was about to snap. Quarterly profits were weak, the network was compromised and now, Tuesday's Brussel Sprout medley in the cafeteria lingered through Thursday.'

"Mexican food?! This is America! I want pizza!"