Cafeteria Commentators T-Shirts

'No, It's not last years leftovers.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you, minion. Not really, boss. I've noticed a disturbing trend: Bikinis are getting smaller and smaller. So small, in fact, that they no longer hid anything. I think it's about time our caf

"What's this on the menu?"

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

"There's a fly in my soup."

"We use the cheapest ingredients and pass the savings on to you."