Cannon Connoisseur Gifts

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

"You know damn well what noise!"

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Instructional guide to scribbling

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Ideas Ahead of their Time

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Apothecary. Tell us what ails you. We'll concoct a chemical mix to dissolve in water which will fix you. Every problem has solution!

Origami horse leaping out of a book about origami

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

'Oh my! He finally proposed!'

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"Don't tell anyone, but some of my best cartoons are about cats."

Corporate Greed.

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"I don't know, maybe I'm just being mallowdramatic."