Campfire Champion Gifts

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

The Brothers Grime

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Roasting the Moneybox

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.

Campground Conductor

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Yep, Jimmy's about the best Eagle Scout I ever saw.

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

Flash Cuisine

"This one's really scary. It's about what's happening to my 401k."

Shepherds washed their socks by night.

Creepy Camp Stories.

Have food. Need toilet paper

"You were right, Louis. . . I was cold before, but now it's warm and toasty."

'Is the fire included?'

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

Marshmallow Roast

"First camping trip, Billy?"

Man around campfire Title: 'Ed is a fisherman who never lies. He tells all his stories sitting up.'

"I'll make a deal with you! If you stop singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, I'll help you finish your requirements!"

'For the life of me I can't see how cooking over a fire, bathing under a spigot and sleeping on the ground can be fun!'

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

My Musical Influences

'Aaaah... nuthin' like sitting out here in nature with a good campfire and a couple of ice-cold Bloodweisers.'

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

Another Rookie Mistake