Campfire Captains Gifts

"There's only two things that really fascinate men. One is fire and the other one isn't."

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Desert Island BBQ

The Brothers Grime

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

Harsh Mellows.

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

Holiday Supplies

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Roasting the Moneybox

"I said, 'Fetch Chardonnay,' not 'Riesling.'"

"Okay lets go. You can message your friends after dinner."

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'Marshmallows ready! Now for the roasting...'

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.

Campground Conductor

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Flash Cuisine

"This one's really scary. It's about what's happening to my 401k."

"You were right, Louis. . . I was cold before, but now it's warm and toasty."

Pizza Rescue.

Nobody likes a smore loser

Creepy Camp Stories.

Cannibal recipes.

"He must be a pro. He's got his own stick."

Shepherds washed their socks by night.

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

'Is the fire included?'

"Appetizer is almost done."

'Come on kids - it's just a story!'