Campfire Conductor Gifts

Campground Conductor

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"Okay lets go. You can message your friends after dinner."

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

"This one's really scary. It's about what's happening to my 401k."

'An no one heard him scream when they screwed on the pump and slowly drained all his vital fluids...'

Have food. Need toilet paper

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

'Come on kids - it's just a story!'

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

My Musical Influences

"I'll make a deal with you! If you stop singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, I'll help you finish your requirements!"

Prehistoric Pop-Up Books Club

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

Accountants around the campfire.

"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."

Early 3D home entertainment systems.

"When we left off last night, we were on page 15 of the National Intelligence Estimate. "

Zombie Camping Menu Planning

'No. This is our top-of-the-line lightweight hiking tent. It's meant to be tight.

"We've decided to try role-swapping."

"There's only two things that really fascinate men. One is fire and the other one isn't."

Bull chasing campers, "You and your camping holidays for fresh air and excersize!"

Bear: 'Oh YUM, Burritos!'

The army surplus blanket is great! I never thought you'd be engaged in a government cover-up.

Melting snowman roasting marshmallow on open fire.

'I see Mr. Invention is at it again -- we'd better start holding regular fire drills.'

'Meat again! That's the last dinosaur I kill.'

"Would any of you guys be offended if I told a joke that is a touch prurient?"