Call Confusionist Gifts

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"I always forget. Is this the day we spin ahead one hour?"

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

Philosophers studying meta-physical chemistry.

"Why won’t you just admit you forgot where you parked the car?"

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'You'll need a better credit rating before we can give you a credit card?'

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

'Surely somebody must know why we're here?'

Joke traffic signs.

"I'm just saying, isn't it a bit early to be 'the present moment'?"

"So to summarise our qualitative study results... your product is like a 'rainbow of French squirrels followed by a small popping noise'."

'I have no idea what you are saying.'

'Could you help me? My parents are lost.'

Exit next left. No, my left.

"We can still be friends, right?"

Well, I told you to add yeast to your shampoo.

Jake's Joke Shop. Use Next Door. Use Next Door.

'You know, this is the second bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

"Hi, Honey, I think I'm home."

Not an Entrance/Not An Exit

Here, There, Everywhere.