Critically Confused Gifts

"So to summarise our qualitative study results... your product is like a 'rainbow of French squirrels followed by a small popping noise'."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

Beyond the known and the unknown.

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

Emergency Firebreaker

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

"Why won’t you just admit you forgot where you parked the car?"

Philosophers studying meta-physical chemistry.

"What do the know!"

"It looks like fecal transplants may do us in."

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

'Surely somebody must know why we're here?'

Joke traffic signs.

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

"I had a dream that I was awake and trying to sleep and now I don't know what's going on."

"I'm just saying, isn't it a bit early to be 'the present moment'?"

My first rodeo

'I have no idea what you are saying.'

Exit next left. No, my left.

"Dad what's Brexit?"

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

"We can still be friends, right?"

"Hi, Honey, I think I'm home."

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."