Confounded Viewer Gifts

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

Beyond the known and the unknown.

Cockroaches struggle to use the ski lift.

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

Philosophers studying meta-physical chemistry.

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"To be perfectly frank, the preceding was a paid political bunch of lies."

"Oh, look. Here comes the winner of the miniature Marmaduke look-alike contest!"

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

"Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the, 'everything's wonderful' cable news?"

''60 Minutes' will not be seen tonight, because all our reporters seem to have gotten themselves locked up in a Turkish prison.'

'And what about you cowardly lion, have you seen my little Toto...?'

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

Animal Hospital

"Dad what's Brexit?"

'Warning: portions of the following program may destroy what little faith you have left in human nature.'

'Oh,yeah? Well, I bet I've had a worse day than you!!'

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

"It's from that Alastair Cooke again"

'Is there really a Santa Claus? That depends - are we talking about the man or the brand?'

VOTE HERE, 14TH PRECINCT, 'ABANDON HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.'

'Amazing, isn't it? It's like she doesn't understand what I'm telling her.'

'I don't know how you kids can sit around all day watching this garbage on television.'

Just when I think violence on TV can't bother me anymore, that chef goes and debones a chicken!

'Talk about boring...these exercise programs all have the same plot.'

"We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the easy peasy lemon squeezy way."

"I understand your concern, but you don't have to wear that suit when getting on a public website. That's not how germs are spread."

"We're in our lab coats. Now what?"

"In an election you pay attention, listen carefully, pick the candidate you hate the most and vote for the other guy."