Bureau Connoisseur Gifts

"This is Norman's little bureau of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Men's business romper.

Hats and Food

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Yummy Mummies

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

'Well, your guess is as good as mine. Almost.'

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

What's the insect de jour?

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'It is so nice to be able to take a break mid trip...'

"I can't wait for things to get back to normal."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

Non-wall St merger: Mom's Home Cooking...Pop's Cafe!

Doughnut Criminals

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."

'Monsieur, in this café you've got to dance your order.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Waiter, there's a mysterious stain on this napkin.'

Creative department ?

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."