Browser Tab Master Gifts

"You have 2,974 tabs open. I suggest closing about 2,970 of them. That may speed up your computer."

Braiding a Horse's Tail

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

'You'll soon get the hang of it - then they'll change it.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

InOutYada Yada.

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

Magic coat fixing problems while walking the dog.

"Stay-at-home mom" is a misnomer. I spend ten hours a day driving kids all over town!

'A willingness to sacrifice yourself to bring 'peace and succor to the suffering' is all very well Mother Theresa but I don't think it makes up for your lack of knowledge of current hand sanitisation protocols.'

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"Do NOT refresh this page."

'Welcome aboard, Peterson.'

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

Thanks TSA

"You were right, Ed, I should have stopped when you said to....now I don't have enough money to pay for this drink!"

Stick man throws arm for dog

'Attention all employees shopping online during office hours must stop immediately! You are here to make money!!'

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

A woman's work is never done.

'You're nice, but I'll need to run your proposal by my attorney, accountant, web master,job coach and HMO.'

Desk Organizer: In and Far Out, Man.

'Our Web design company had a financial reversal last month. We made money.'

"I'm guessing with all that mold coming out of your computer, it's been awhile since you've added fresh content to your site."

'With so little free time, you have to learn to multi-task...'

'Just think, I could be taking you to your bridge game if we had bought that bass boat.'

'I don't like this predictive text.'

Wanna hang later? Yep. You meatheads are standing side-by-side texting! Why not just talk to each other?! Because: Your eyeballs are burned away from staring at your screens and you can't see actual reality!!!! I hear strange rhetorical noises. Put on your iPod LOUD and they'll go away.

"Have you got a hand free to help me?"

Voice Recognition TV.

"Someone out there loves me."

"Stop randomly texting angry emojis, then put your phone down and your hands up."