Text Master Gifts

'I don't like this predictive text.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'You'll soon get the hang of it - then they'll change it.'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

'The classic masks of Comedy and Tragedy, or as they're now known, emoticons.'

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'You're texting? Wait--'

InOutYada Yada.

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"There are exceptions. Sometimes it's possible to have buzz without any hype whatsoever."

'Welcome aboard, Peterson.'

Welcome to Silicon Valley...the user friendly place.

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

'It's not enough that you want to publish it, you must beg for it.'

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

"It needs a lot of editing."

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

'Your book will definitely be a best seller; it just needs a complete new set of words.'

Editor

Literary Advice

Publisher

"My daddy doesn't have a real job...he's a writer!"

"You were right, Ed, I should have stopped when you said to....now I don't have enough money to pay for this drink!"

Printing Room

I hear we're called gen txt. It's demeaning. Suggests our lives revolve 'round shallow misspelled missives. No dout! You're not helping me here. Y U usin big words? Hirz link 2 utube vid of cat pukin. Awsum!

"I found your memoir totally believable until the part at the end where I agree to publish it."

'You've been texting during work hours again!. . . Your keypad is still warm!'