Braces Banter Lover Gifts

"Braces? I'm just not comfortable with all that metal in my mouth."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

Dentist's Office: 'I know that $3,280 hurt you more than it did me, Dad.'

An Archeologic Dig

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"I'm thinkin' blond."

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

'Here comes Ted.'

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

BEER BELLY

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."