Tennis Banter Lover Gifts

'I hope you realize I let you win.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

An Archeologic Dig

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

'Good news hon' ! It's nothing serious! The doctor said it's just a simple case of Tennis Elbow!'

Death playing with the middle east.

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

The Beginning of Nostalgia

'Here comes Ted.'

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

Tennis Player Receives Unwanted Advice on the Tennis Court of Public Opinion.

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

Cat and mouse tennis court

Crocodile with man logo on polo

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

Tennis Player.

'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'

'How long will it be until he can sit up and take the criticism?'

Superstitious tennis player wearing lucky charms with black cat passing by.

"He may be evil, but his breath is like air conditioning."