Boy Mom Humorist Gifts

'Admit it, mom... you wish you has a girl.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'