Mother-son Humorist Gifts

The world's #1 motivational speaker

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

"He's the one family member who doesn't care if I post hundreds of photos of him online."

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

'Honey, I'm Rome!'