Mother-son Humorist Gifts

The world's #1 motivational speaker

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

'Honey, I'm Rome!'

Judge, jury and executioner.

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

'Is that IT? All this way for just the ONE?'

"He's the one family member who doesn't care if I post hundreds of photos of him online."