Mommy's Boy Humorist Gifts

'Do you feel dominated by your mother?'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

The Mothership

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

Yeah, that's mine - My mom puts my name inside my helmet in case it comes off.

'Do you have to bring your mother on every flight?'

'Now that I'm King, no more of that 'Eddie' stuff, Mom.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"No. 3 step forward and whine, 'Please, Mom, I'm forty-four years old—I can tie my own tie.'"

'We need a man with daring and drive. Do you think your son is this man?'

"Come on Mum, I'm fully grown-up, surely you can let my friend come between you and me safely..."

"Now pay attention when mother is speaking, Hubert!"

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

I had a very happy childhood, until last week when my mommy kicked me out.

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

'He came back home. Ran out of money.'

"Sorry, I'm late but my mother couldn't make up her mind what I should wear here."

"Your mummy left a message to remind you to take your nap after lunch."

"Got any cravings?"

'Relax, the most important thing is that he drinks his milk, not how.'

"Emotional support person or not, you cannot bring your Mom to work."

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'

'Dad, this is Wane.'

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'