Father-son Humorist Gifts

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'Hey Dad, Mom's got a new hobby...still life painting...er, Dad?'