Father-son Humorist Gifts

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

"He's the one family member who doesn't care if I post hundreds of photos of him online."

"Tell Mr. Yeltsin I'd be delighted. Minister of what?"