Dad Humorist Gifts

Cry babies.

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Next to Nothing

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

Note Book

Official Team Cap With Beard

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

"It's a dependent!"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'He looks exactly like his father!'

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

Child on a schedule.

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"