Humorist Dad Gifts

'Want to watch the Father-Son talk greatest hits?'

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

Madonna of the Pukes.

Cry babies.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

Camel rider sees sign stating: The Next Mirage 16 miles.

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'