Bookkeeping Wizard Gifts

"In examining out books, Mr. Mathews promises to use generally accepted accounting principles, if you know what I mean."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Fuel bill gone through the roof

Sheep Ledger

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Saving for College.

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

Gone Bookkeepin'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'