Bookkeeping Wizard Gifts

"In examining out books, Mr. Mathews promises to use generally accepted accounting principles, if you know what I mean."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Fuel bill gone through the roof

Sheep Ledger

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

Saving for College.

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

Gone Bookkeepin'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'