Bookkeeper Gifts

"We are neither hunters nor gatherers. We are accountants."

"Oh, what the hell, I'll add another zero."

'No kidding! I thought the term, 'bean counter' was just a slang term.'

Gone Bookkeepin'

'Half of the numbers are accurate, that's why we're auditing the remaining 56%.'

'Oh, so you do keep track of where you bury things.'

"I'm sick and tired of 'Generally Accepted Accounting Principles'."

'I think the problem is that you're using generally acceptable accounting practices.'

'It's safe to come out - the auditors have gone.'

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'Here things are getting interesting!'

No, Smith, that's NOT why they're called 'Spreadsheets'.

"Daddy doesn't know any magic tricks. Daddy knows accounting tricks."

"No it doesn't stand for Vodka and Tonic."

"Remember, 'accounting' and 'accountability': nothing in common."

'I didn't talk when they had me on the rack, or used thumb screws. But when they started to explain a cash flow statement...'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Take my advice, stop thinking of it as your money.'

Creative Accounting Inc - Accounts Receivable/Accounts Decievable.

'Very creative, though it doesn't quite compare with what we're doing over in accounting.'

Accounting: Desk trays - 'Accounts receivable' and 'Accounts deceivable'.

"Advertise! Advertise! That's always been your answer for everything."

"I see you brought the pie charts."

'Oops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, not the monthly estimate.'

'I'm worried; these figures actually add up.'

"Just preparing your books now, Gentlemen."

"Well, the books balance - assets and liabilities match to the penny."

'And this is where the magic happens.'

"Here are the numbers you wanted cooked, sir."

Tax Muse

'In the future, Clayton, always make sure you have your decimal points correctly placed.'

'Now, using a little accounting magic on your tax return, one and one equals three.'

"As it happened, my work as an accountant transcended the genre."

'...do your accounting records show how you give everyone gifts and still stay solvent?'

'You certainly have a way with no words.'