Bookkeeper Gifts

"We are neither hunters nor gatherers. We are accountants."

"Oh, what the hell, I'll add another zero."

'No kidding! I thought the term, 'bean counter' was just a slang term.'

Gone Bookkeepin'

'Half of the numbers are accurate, that's why we're auditing the remaining 56%.'

'Oh, so you do keep track of where you bury things.'

"I'm sick and tired of 'Generally Accepted Accounting Principles'."

'I think the problem is that you're using generally acceptable accounting practices.'

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'Here things are getting interesting!'

No, Smith, that's NOT why they're called 'Spreadsheets'.

"Daddy doesn't know any magic tricks. Daddy knows accounting tricks."

"No it doesn't stand for Vodka and Tonic."

"Remember, 'accounting' and 'accountability': nothing in common."

'I didn't talk when they had me on the rack, or used thumb screws. But when they started to explain a cash flow statement...'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Take my advice, stop thinking of it as your money.'

Creative Accounting Inc - Accounts Receivable/Accounts Decievable.

'Very creative, though it doesn't quite compare with what we're doing over in accounting.'

Accounting: Desk trays - 'Accounts receivable' and 'Accounts deceivable'.

"I see you brought the pie charts."

"Advertise! Advertise! That's always been your answer for everything."

'Oops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, not the monthly estimate.'

"Just preparing your books now, Gentlemen."

'I'm worried; these figures actually add up.'

"Here are the numbers you wanted cooked, sir."

"Well, the books balance - assets and liabilities match to the penny."

'And this is where the magic happens.'

"As it happened, my work as an accountant transcended the genre."

Tax Muse

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'...do your accounting records show how you give everyone gifts and still stay solvent?'

'Now, using a little accounting magic on your tax return, one and one equals three.'

'In the future, Clayton, always make sure you have your decimal points correctly placed.'

'How much is two plus two?' - 'How much do you want it to be?'