Bespoke Bookkeeper Gifts

'Your night writing book, madam.'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sheep Ledger

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Gone Bookkeepin'

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Now I see your problem. You've been using a leaf blower to rake it in."

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

Accountant Manqué

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

"So, the bills still aren't paid? You've never been good at money management."

Records?

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"Advertise! Advertise! That's always been your answer for everything."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

"Accounts Dept, can I help you?"

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'