Bookkeepers Gifts

'84% of our losses are due to accounting errors.'

"Umm, smell that? That's the annual accountant's Cooking the Books Cook-Off."

'When you cook up a figure make it an odd number like £321.42, not £300.'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

Pointing.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sheep Ledger

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

'The King of what?'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Your night writing book, madam.'

Gone Bookkeepin'

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

'My name is Herbert J.Whiteside - you must fly for help immediately.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Now I see your problem. You've been using a leaf blower to rake it in."

Accountant Manqué

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

"I'm surprised at you, Ted. You know we're not allowed to serve alcoholic beverages to dogs."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"You call this ice?"

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."