Bookkeepers Gifts

'84% of our losses are due to accounting errors.'

"Umm, smell that? That's the annual accountant's Cooking the Books Cook-Off."

'When you cook up a figure make it an odd number like £321.42, not £300.'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

Pointing.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sheep Ledger

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'The King of what?'

'Your night writing book, madam.'

Gone Bookkeepin'

'My name is Herbert J.Whiteside - you must fly for help immediately.'

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"Now I see your problem. You've been using a leaf blower to rake it in."

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

Accountant Manqué

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

"You call this ice?"

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"So, the bills still aren't paid? You've never been good at money management."

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.