Spiritual Bookkeeper Gifts

Zen And The Art Of Bankruptcy

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sheep Ledger

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Your night writing book, madam.'

Gone Bookkeepin'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Now I see your problem. You've been using a leaf blower to rake it in."

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

Accountant Manqué

"So, the bills still aren't paid? You've never been good at money management."

Records?

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"Advertise! Advertise! That's always been your answer for everything."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"Accounts Dept, can I help you?"

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'