Bookkeeping Gifts

Gone Bookkeepin'

'Half of the numbers are accurate, that's why we're auditing the remaining 56%.'

No, Smith, that's NOT why they're called 'Spreadsheets'.

"Remember, 'accounting' and 'accountability': nothing in common."

'I'm worried; these figures actually add up.'

'And this is where the magic happens.'

'Here, we switched accountants.'

'Now, using a little accounting magic on your tax return, one and one equals three.'

'How much is two plus two?' - 'How much do you want it to be?'

'What was your entry, 'Rob Peter to Pay Paul all about?'

'You can come in now - the auditors have gone.'

'And this I take it is the bookkeeping department.'

"...Thompson...there should be a Nobel Prize for accountancy."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

'Don't worry,, I checked the figures with wikopedia.'

"Is it just me or have these numbers lost their crunchiness?"

Accountant sings the blues

"I like the way these numbers look. Good font choice, Higgins."

"We don't need to reinvent the wheel - just the earnings report."

Have you got the accounts right yet? Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.

"You feel like throwing your computer out the window? Sure, as long as it's fully depreciated!"

Accountant working with computer program thinks to self: 'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.' Caption: 'Rebel Accountant'

"Well, the books balance - assets, and liabilities match to the penny."

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"These projected figures are a figment of our imagination. We hope you like them."

'Hello, Smudgekins and Smollet, creative accountants, how may I help you?'

'Have you got the accounts right yet?' - 'Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.'

Inside County Hall: Lift Max Capacity, 4 persons.

'Is it safe to come out? Are the auditors gone?'

'We've discovered the Cave of Missing Accounting Ledgers.'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

'I know you needed a career change, Dear, but we were doing so much better when you were an accountant!'

"That 'LOL' on the balance sheet stands for 'Lost Our Leverage'."

'Everything was fine until you insisted on transparent accounting!'

"Can you work a little magic with these figures? In fact, can you make them disappear?"