Bookkeeping Gifts

Gone Bookkeepin'

'Half of the numbers are accurate, that's why we're auditing the remaining 56%.'

No, Smith, that's NOT why they're called 'Spreadsheets'.

"Remember, 'accounting' and 'accountability': nothing in common."

'I'm worried; these figures actually add up.'

'And this is where the magic happens.'

'Now, using a little accounting magic on your tax return, one and one equals three.'

'Here, we switched accountants.'

'And this I take it is the bookkeeping department.'

'What was your entry, 'Rob Peter to Pay Paul all about?'

'How much is two plus two?' - 'How much do you want it to be?'

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

'Don't worry,, I checked the figures with wikopedia.'

"...Thompson...there should be a Nobel Prize for accountancy."

"Is it just me or have these numbers lost their crunchiness?"

Accountant sings the blues

"I like the way these numbers look. Good font choice, Higgins."

"We don't need to reinvent the wheel - just the earnings report."

Have you got the accounts right yet? Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.

Accountant working with computer program thinks to self: 'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.' Caption: 'Rebel Accountant'

"Well, the books balance - assets, and liabilities match to the penny."

"You feel like throwing your computer out the window? Sure, as long as it's fully depreciated!"

"These projected figures are a figment of our imagination. We hope you like them."

'I know you needed a career change, Dear, but we were doing so much better when you were an accountant!'

'We've discovered the Cave of Missing Accounting Ledgers.'

'Have you got the accounts right yet?' - 'Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

Inside County Hall: Lift Max Capacity, 4 persons.

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

'Is it safe to come out? Are the auditors gone?'

'Hello, Smudgekins and Smollet, creative accountants, how may I help you?'

'Everything was fine until you insisted on transparent accounting!'

"Can you work a little magic with these figures? In fact, can you make them disappear?"

"That 'LOL' on the balance sheet stands for 'Lost Our Leverage'."

"When you make a mistake on the right side of the accounts, you must add it to the left side too."