Accounting Gifts

"We are neither hunters nor gatherers. We are accountants."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"It's the old story. I was in the middle of successful acting career when I was bitten by the accounting bug."

Accountants just want to have fun...

"It's funny how two intelligent people can have such opposite interpretations of the tax code!"

"It's up to you now, Miller. The only thing that can save us is an accounting breakthrough."

'But on the bright side, I was able to find a loophole that should solve your little tax problem.'

Gone Bookkeepin'

'It's not an accounting breakthrough, Sam. It's wrong.'

'Half of the numbers are accurate, that's why we're auditing the remaining 56%.'

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

"We're trying to put the fun back into filing taxes."

'I wonder if you could shed some light on this department's high 'miscellaneous expenditure' total?'

"I never should have tried to take my accounting to the next level."

'I see you have all of your checks and receipts. What are you trying to hide?'

Tax Simplification

"I'm sick and tired of 'Generally Accepted Accounting Principles'."

'I think the problem is that you're using generally acceptable accounting practices.'

"...And then in the numbers in the column don't add up correctly, I have to start all over again. It really is quite a stressful job."

'Do everything ethically ... within reason, of course.'

'Like the sign says...It's all THEIRS.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'It's safe to come out - the auditors have gone.'

Tax Auditor door sign / Out to get you ? back in one hour.

"What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong,"

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

"Yeah, everyone agrees on the numbers, but nobody knows what they mean."

'I don't want to brag, but I have a loophole named after me.'

'Well I think we found the source of your cash flow problems, Mr. Wallis!'

'I had no choice, his documentation was weak.'

"Well, get some new numbers or I'm getting a new numbers guy."

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

No, Smith, that's NOT why they're called 'Spreadsheets'.

'Here things are getting interesting!'

'Legal says we should be fine - provided no one left a paper trail.'