Accountants Gifts

'Not scared yet? Just wait until I get to Chapter 11!'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

I am billing, therefore I am.

Non-Profit-Organization

Irish Step Accounting

'This one is by our 'creative accounting' department.'

'My mom says it's okay to talk to strangers as long as they're not Accountants or CEOs.'

'Our certificate of Deposit Interest rates may seem low, but I assure you, they are better than anything you can get by leaving your savings under the mattress.'

'I'm exploring another revenue stream.'

Global Airlines - "As I come to the Balance Sheet figures, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'As you can see here, there were a few downticks, followed by a few upticks, finishing off with some antics.'

'Interesting ambition, Freddie. And what will you be if large corporations are no longer hiring rogue accountants?'

"These financials look right. They smell right -- they're either right or very clever."

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Financial planning requires long-term thinking. Especially if you get caught.'

"There's no proof that anabolic steroids improve performance of accounting tasks."

'Congratulations! It's a tax credit!'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Well we'd value the company at either £24 million. . . less than £100,000 or somewhere in between. But we wouldn't want you to hold us to that."

"Good God! Has the dollar fallen that far?"

They all laughed when he gave up a promising career in accounting to do stand-up. Well, no one's laughing now.'

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'Rumours over the company being insolvent are exaggerated.'

For the last time, Jenkins, it's FTSE.

A vacancy in the Finance Department

The Tooth Accountant

'If you call my allowance a grant, you claim it as a deduction on your income tax.'

The most bizarre life form Gyork had ever encountered.

No we don't have a retirement plan, but we give you time off to buy lottery tickets...

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

"Just as we suspected, he's running a dummy company"

"Oh nothing much, a couple of bills and a final demand from the mafia."

"These numbers are way off. But I do like them better than the auditor's numbers."