Accountants Gifts

'Not scared yet? Just wait until I get to Chapter 11!'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

Non-Profit-Organization

I am billing, therefore I am.

Irish Step Accounting

'This one is by our 'creative accounting' department.'

'Our certificate of Deposit Interest rates may seem low, but I assure you, they are better than anything you can get by leaving your savings under the mattress.'

'I'm exploring another revenue stream.'

'My mom says it's okay to talk to strangers as long as they're not Accountants or CEOs.'

Global Airlines - "As I come to the Balance Sheet figures, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling."

'As you can see here, there were a few downticks, followed by a few upticks, finishing off with some antics.'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Interesting ambition, Freddie. And what will you be if large corporations are no longer hiring rogue accountants?'

"These financials look right. They smell right -- they're either right or very clever."

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Financial planning requires long-term thinking. Especially if you get caught.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Congratulations! It's a tax credit!'

"Well we'd value the company at either £24 million. . . less than £100,000 or somewhere in between. But we wouldn't want you to hold us to that."

"There's no proof that anabolic steroids improve performance of accounting tasks."

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

"Good God! Has the dollar fallen that far?"

They all laughed when he gave up a promising career in accounting to do stand-up. Well, no one's laughing now.'

'Rumours over the company being insolvent are exaggerated.'

For the last time, Jenkins, it's FTSE.

A vacancy in the Finance Department

'If you call my allowance a grant, you claim it as a deduction on your income tax.'

"Just as we suspected, he's running a dummy company"

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

No we don't have a retirement plan, but we give you time off to buy lottery tickets...

The Tooth Accountant

The most bizarre life form Gyork had ever encountered.

"Oh nothing much, a couple of bills and a final demand from the mafia."

'Careful Artie, hidden fees.'