Tax Wizard Gifts

The Meaning of Life/Tax Avoidance Advice.

To err is human and subject to penalty

Tax Muse

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

'Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.'

"Taxation, meet Representation."

"It is important to own your feelings. Besides, you can always write them off as a business expense."

"It's not enough to write 'Megabucks' on your return, Mr. Clacton. You're supposed to tell us how many."

Let me do the crying, okay?

Accountant to man: 'I can get you a rapid refund ... and an even quicker audit.'

'Daddy, tell me again about the brave boy accountant who used his finger to plug the tax loophole in the revenue dike.'

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'

"Ms. Jones, please contact my accountant and have him send out a large charitable donation ASAP."

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

"Ah Watson, reducing your taxes was simplicity itself. They were but elementary deductions."

'You feel it? Tax havens and Swiss bank accounts are back in!'

'You have a pleasant and honest face, Mrs. Jones, and it makes me wonder what you're up to.'

There is not much left after deductions and taxes, is there, Rodney?

"I see you didn't get an obscene bonus last year. The government was counting on it."

The government can't get by on what you're making.

"Where's my bouncer when I need him?"

"I still have my loophole, but I can't drive a truck through it."

Annual sleep disorder for tax accountants.

"I can grant your wish for a billion dollars, but you can't wish away filling out an IRS Form W-9."

'I'd like to return this, please.'

For Timely Filing

'I know that it's hard, Fred, but we all have to give our first Tax Rebate sometime. . .'

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

"The whole fun of accounting was that willingness to suspend disbelief."

"Any deductions?" "Yes, you're lying."

'We're a group of middle-class guys. We're not getting any help from the IRS, so we'd like to apply for protection as an endangered species.'

'He'll see you now.'

'Here are the details of our most popular tax avoidance scheme.'

You may go free, to worry about tax and the economy like the rest of us.

E-File Muffy: Head of Household