Tax Wizard Pillows

The Meaning of Life/Tax Avoidance Advice.

To err is human and subject to penalty

Tax Muse

"Taxation, meet Representation."

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

'Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.'

"It is important to own your feelings. Besides, you can always write them off as a business expense."

"It's not enough to write 'Megabucks' on your return, Mr. Clacton. You're supposed to tell us how many."

'You feel it? Tax havens and Swiss bank accounts are back in!'

"Ms. Jones, please contact my accountant and have him send out a large charitable donation ASAP."

Let me do the crying, okay?

Accountant to man: 'I can get you a rapid refund ... and an even quicker audit.'

'Daddy, tell me again about the brave boy accountant who used his finger to plug the tax loophole in the revenue dike.'

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

"Ah Watson, reducing your taxes was simplicity itself. They were but elementary deductions."

'You have a pleasant and honest face, Mrs. Jones, and it makes me wonder what you're up to.'

"Any deductions?" "Yes, you're lying."

There is not much left after deductions and taxes, is there, Rodney?

"The whole fun of accounting was that willingness to suspend disbelief."

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

'I know that it's hard, Fred, but we all have to give our first Tax Rebate sometime. . .'

For Timely Filing

"I can grant your wish for a billion dollars, but you can't wish away filling out an IRS Form W-9."

Annual sleep disorder for tax accountants.

"I still have my loophole, but I can't drive a truck through it."

The government can't get by on what you're making.

"I see you didn't get an obscene bonus last year. The government was counting on it."

"Where's my bouncer when I need him?"

'He'll see you now.'

You may go free, to worry about tax and the economy like the rest of us.

'Here are the details of our most popular tax avoidance scheme.'

'First, I want you to get your dependents off my desk.'

E-File Muffy: Head of Household

'We're a group of middle-class guys. We're not getting any help from the IRS, so we'd like to apply for protection as an endangered species.'