Book Publication Gifts

"This is probably the most mature, astute novel of the last half century that I've just finished. Me want ice cream."

"Not to blow my own horn, but the ad for my book in the 'Times' called it 'extraordinary'."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

First Novels.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Meet the author"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

The Dorrie Decimal System

Television Readers.

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

No-Work Orange

Bookworm Sleepover

Blue Stockings

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Paranormal A-Z...

Silence of the Chickens...

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Gay Times...

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."