Publications Gifts

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

2021

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Squeezing the Free Press.

Self help acupuncture

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Do you guys serve beer?"