Publishing Gifts

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

Sayonara

"I translate books from English into better English."

"I'm talking so much about books I haven't read I feel like I'm back in publishing."

'It was a last-minute change, but a good one.'

"I can't help thinking there's a book in this."

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

"I have a lot of really good ideas, but I just can't get them down on paper."

I must find out how to control the rights when it comes out on parchment.'

In HR office: 'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'

In Trays titled: 'In', 'Out' and 'Back in Again'.

"The editor who turned down the first Harry Potter book, say hello to the publisher who took a pass on Stephen King."

'The publisher wants to know how the article on the booming economy is coming along.'

Outline; Introduction, Body, Conclusion.

'Oh yes we're very proud of him. He's in publishing you know!'

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'I figured if you liked the first paragraph I'd go ahead and finish the book.'

"This is fine as far as it goes. From here on, it's who you know."

"Great news! Your novel is in a medium-size pile in the middle of the floor about four feet from the left side of Oprah's assistant's desk."

'Well, we'll out-recycle them. We'll use paper made from vegetable products, and soy based ink, so after reading the magazine it could then be boiled,mashed and eaten.'

What Editors Do

Jonah's editor.

'Can you redo this manuscript, John, and make it less stupid?'

Editor vs Writer.

'Your content is protected by copyright laws and a complete lack of interest.'

'Can you give me one good reason why you never use hyphens?'

"I'm sorry-you tapped into something no one cares about."

Also by the Author...

Man on Desert Island reads about himself.

'This is the time when the University started to rank our research by the number of publications, not the quality of the publications...'

'Enforcing the publish or perish rule, Dean McWit?'

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

"Welcome to the co-author's party! You're number twenty-one."

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'