Book Publishing Gifts

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We liked your use of punctuation, capitalization, underlines, parentheses, and italics. After that, we had reservations."

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

'Shakespeare's Hamlet word for word - and I who always thought it was a crazy joke.'

Prepare for the coming bull, or bear market?

"So you're offering nothing and I'd like £300,000 why don't we meet in the middle!"

"Under new Covid restrictions - people caught abusing lockdown by writing: 'The book they've always had in them.' and then being smug twats about it on social media - can now be shot by the police."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the author"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

First Novels.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

Gay Times...

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Letters escape from a caged book.

Sue the Author 3PM