Book Publishing Whiz Gifts

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

School. I like solving problems with X's and Y's, so I'll probably go into either math or genetics!

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Editor.

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Free Printer with Purchase of Ink

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

Sub Editor

"Hello, editorial? This the comics department. One of your articles is leaking on us down here!"

'Shakespeare's Hamlet word for word - and I who always thought it was a crazy joke.'

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

Man milks a book.

Children's Publishing - Child's portrait of 'Our Founder'.

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

"Hang on. . . I think I've got an app for that."

'That's right...his appendix...and it's pure dynamite! Don't you see? It'll be the ultimate insider celebrity memoir!'

Meet Zelda Wisteria, author of the book 'Leap, and the Net will Appear!'

"We need a better distribution system."

'We won't publish your book 'The Life of a mayfly: An Autobiography' because it's only a page long!'

"We used your unsold copies to build a tree, but it's not the same."

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

'From the very beginning we felt that defeating the Big Bad Wolf would be meaningless unless we could parlay it into a book deal.'

Ernest Hemingway

"Summer's coming. How does pre-med camp sound."