Birthing Experience Fan Gifts

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

In the club.

Baby in Trunk.

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"...We said a natural birth, not a naturist birth!"

'Congratulations! It's one of the beautiful people!'

A Star is Born.

'Just Remember, Darling, you're eating for 60 now.'

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'And remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Womb for Kids

"Early Father's Day Gift!"

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

"Everyone's waiting to have babies, so I had to pick up a side gig."

BABY (arrow pointing to belly) BEER (arrow pointing to belly).

"Gold ... Frankincense ... Myrrh ... why wouldn't wise men bring diapers?"

"Yeah, those first few minutes...nothing but a lot of slap and tickle!"

Baby Mums.

Ingredients: me

"Looks like it's someone's birthday...!"

"Of course what else would it be?"

Dr. Mary G. Wells Obstetrician. Open Labor Days.

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

'My labor with Jenna was a snap...'

"Tell me again, how when I was born, how you passed out and the doctors left Mommy alone to revive you."