Bird Feeding Humorist Gifts

Feeding birds boogers.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

''What's in the bag, lady?''

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

I think it's time he left home.'

New York Scatological Society

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

Hen Night

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

A couple of birds out on the town.

"Well, that backfired."

"Now, son, hitting a car is all about timing. You'll want to release about here..."

'Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!'

"And if he wants to keep his job, the early bird better get me a coffee, too."

'Sure I can do same day service.'

"I don't know what happened - he was such a good egg."

Airport security - next step?

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"He's a bird-dog."

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

Closed for Summer.

'Why can't I ever lead?'

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

"Yeah, mom. Ed's up before sunrise to fix the sink. So here I stand at the crack of dawn."

"We only have three and twenty black birds for the pie."