Bird Feeding Humorist Pillows

Feeding birds boogers.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

''What's in the bag, lady?''

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

I think it's time he left home.'

'Take me to your feeder,'

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

New York Scatological Society

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

Hen Night

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"Well, that backfired."

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

A couple of birds out on the town.

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

"Now, son, hitting a car is all about timing. You'll want to release about here..."

"And if he wants to keep his job, the early bird better get me a coffee, too."

"I don't know what happened - he was such a good egg."

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

'Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!'

Airport security - next step?

'Sure I can do same day service.'

"He's a bird-dog."

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

Closed for Summer.

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

'Why can't I ever lead?'

"Yeah, mom. Ed's up before sunrise to fix the sink. So here I stand at the crack of dawn."