Bird Humorist Pillows

"I keep telling you, poppy-seed bagels are nothing but trouble."

"Molting or non molting?"

"Tell your mother I'm going out for cigarettes."

'Nice! Just throw the food on the dirty ground! Thanks, Lady!'

''What's in the bag, lady?''

'Flight simulator'

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

I think it's time he left home.'

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

New York Scatological Society

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I didn't know which one to cross."

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

Hen Night

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

"Well, that backfired."

'We HAVE to hire a nanny.'

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

Airport security - next step?

"I don't know what happened - he was such a good egg."

'Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!'

No, no Henry. I said I bought a fly sweater for you.

"And if he wants to keep his job, the early bird better get me a coffee, too."

'Sure I can do same day service.'

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

'Personal foul. On the defense. Plucking the passer.'