Bird Humorist Gifts

"I keep telling you, poppy-seed bagels are nothing but trouble."

"Molting or non molting?"

"Tell your mother I'm going out for cigarettes."

'Nice! Just throw the food on the dirty ground! Thanks, Lady!'

''What's in the bag, lady?''

'Flight simulator'

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

I think it's time he left home.'

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

'Take me to your feeder,'

New York Scatological Society

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I didn't know which one to cross."

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

Hen Night

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'We HAVE to hire a nanny.'

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

Hoody Woodpecker.

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

'Psst...e=mc?.'

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"Well, that backfired."

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

'Sure I can do same day service.'

Airport security - next step?

"I don't know what happened - he was such a good egg."

"And if he wants to keep his job, the early bird better get me a coffee, too."

'Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!'