Bird Comedian Gifts

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"You're such a hoot, Owen!"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

''What's in the bag, lady?''

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

"Peach fuzz. How does a nectarine know when it reaches puberty?"

Penguin

Just a little seasoning...

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

"I'm a monster."

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

I think it's time he left home.'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

'Smart? This dog can bark in five different languages!'

Sawfish cuts through the oars of row boat.

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

New York Scatological Society

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'Sorry Bruce, but we have to stop seeing each other: I've changed, you have to understand...'

Alligator Bars

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

Evolution...the booted flamingo.