Bird Comedian Gifts

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"You're such a hoot, Owen!"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

''What's in the bag, lady?''

"Peach fuzz. How does a nectarine know when it reaches puberty?"

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

Penguin

Just a little seasoning...

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

"I'm a monster."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

I think it's time he left home.'

Sawfish cuts through the oars of row boat.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

'Smart? This dog can bark in five different languages!'

'Take me to your feeder,'

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

New York Scatological Society

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

Alligator Bars

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.