Bird-loving Jokester Gifts

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

''What's in the bag, lady?''

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

I think it's time he left home.'

New York Scatological Society

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"Now, son, hitting a car is all about timing. You'll want to release about here..."

A couple of birds out on the town.

"Well, that backfired."

'Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!'

"I don't know what happened - he was such a good egg."

'Sure I can do same day service.'

Blackbirds.

"He's a bird-dog."

"I don't feel like going out. Why don't just the two of us stay in and open a can of worms?"

Closed for Summer.

'Why can't I ever lead?'

"For goodness sake, Wilf, trim your eyebrows -- they think you're one of them!"

Artist Hazards

Squawk dirty to me...

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"