Birdwatcher Humorist Gifts

"I love portraiture but my true calling is aerial photography."

"I told you! Seeing your reflection on a recently washed and polished car's roof is the best remedy for constipation."

I think it's time he left home.'

'What?'

Two smart birds.

"Grandpa is teasing you darling. True, his eyesight was exceptional, but not good enough to see Neil Armstrong walking on the moon..."

"C'mon... C'mon..."

"Bah to getting up early to get the worm"

'What is the color of a red robin?' (tv quiz).

'Sure I can do same day service.'

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

Lotto Jackpot drawing.

"Instead of mating for life, why can't we just be a flock with benefits?"

'Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!'

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

Confused climbers trying to climb a falsely chalked route

"I don't know what happened - he was such a good egg."

'Why can't I ever lead?'

How about that, geese playing chicken!

Why'd they put you in solitary?

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

''What's in the bag, lady?''

New York Scatological Society

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"Now, son, hitting a car is all about timing. You'll want to release about here..."

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

A couple of birds out on the town.

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."