Poultry Humorist Gifts

Hen Night

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

'Things have changed. A hen can lay an egg nowadays without being married and no one thinks a thing about it.'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

The Rooster Comedian.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Yes, one is a dog."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Scuba cow"

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Hats and Food

'Jurassic Pork.'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Cats at private view

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

''What's in the bag, lady?''

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

Dogs life